So... I don't know if I'm suddenly getting sick as shit or if it's the lack of sleep and the shitty night I had last night telling my body to stay the fuck in bed... BUT I can hardly breath, my lungs feel like they're full of snot, my eyes are on fire, and I can't stop blowing my nose. Better be fucking allergies... I hate being sick.
In less selfish news (yeah right, like my blog would not be selfish? pishaw.
)... It's that time of year man, but last night we lost four fucking patients. All of them were DNR's, and all but one had their families bedside. It just... it still fucking sucks. Well then I say shit like (In an IM conversation:
) "If I disappear it's because a patient is coding.", and when the person I'm talking to goes "Um, don't know how to respond to that..." it occurs to me that that's probably not a normal reaction to death... annoyance and flippancy that is.
But... I think you have to have a sense of humor about it, or it fucking tears your heart out. Which... it does anyway. I mean, three nurses cried last night when they lost patients... I just don't have the tears left.
So then we also shipped two to ICU, one of whom was actively having an MI as we rushed him to the unit. He was scared and saying that his wife was going to be pissed if he died without calling her to warn her so she could be there, and all the other girls standing around him just kind of look at each other scared because his wife wasn't answering her phone. Well, you know what? That's not helpful. So I say, "Well you better not die with all of us here, or we're gonna be pissed, so let's toss that option off the table." The patient looked up and me and nodded, and the other nurses got back to work starting the nitro drip and getting more IV access, and for a minute the fact that his heart was betraying him before our very eyes wasn't quite as serious.
Anyway, it was a loooooong and shitty ass night, and I was just ready to come home and go to bed. (Especially when my moron boss from hell made me want to rip out her fucking eyeballs this morning. A fucking nurse manager who's never been a nurse to a single patient in her fucking life should never tell an everyday nurse how to treat a patient... especially not in front of a patient!!! Had that been me she was talking to? I'd have dropped her ass right there and commenced the ass beating.
BUT MY FUCKING PHONE WILL NOT STOP RINGING!!! (Which should come as no surprise to bubbles79
) ( IN WHICH I RANT...Collapse )
Oy. At least now that I'm awake I'm writing porn, and when I do pass out I'll have happy, happy dreams.
Before I go... something I've been ruminating about;
"Sometimes I watch you sleep, it's..."
"Creepy."God, laughing at Twilight is like a whole new world of awesome for me.